Saturday 10 July 2010

How deep is their love?

The Hilton bride has finally committed suicide, and died as she'd wished.

It has nothing to do with me, but it stirs up some ripples of thought within me.

1) How much did she love her husband?

It's puzzling to me what kinda love or how deep her love for her husband could be that drives her to follow her husband in death.

Perhaps I will never understand. I'm a coward. I haven't loved any man the way this bride did, and don't know how it feels like to love someone so much as to jump off a flat and die a gruesome and painful death just to be with him.

To love someone takes courage, and so is deciding to die.

I wonder if she'd struggled to think about how it might feel like to hit the ground, hard, and die in a punishing way, just moments before she leapt.

I've to admit that I was skeptical about her bandaged wrists when she first appeared on papers. I thought it unnecessarily conspicuous and even for a moment suspected that she was trying to win public sympathy. During my teenage years, when I felt depressed, I cut myself on my hands. I also had friends who cut their wrists for attention although we never did arrange for a mass cutting gathering. That led me to think that most people cut themselves for attention's sake as they have this deep need to be reached out to. That said, I did feel my emotional pain was alleviated by the existence of physical pain.

2) Is that guy really worth it?

I didn't think that the bride would take her husband's death so seriously as to jump to her death. It's a mystery to me why she did that. The only answer I can think of is that the guy really did love her very much.

She 'visited' him with food at the columbarium every day at 4pm without fail. I marvel at her persistence and commitment in being his 'dutiful' wife. She literally treated him as a living being still. If not, she wouldn't have visited him every day.

I keep having this question in mind: what exactly has this guy done for her that makes her go to the columbarium every day, think that this is the only guy she'd ever marry, and even die for? An ex-employee of the deceased groom emphasised that they were a very loving couple and often went on holidays. The groom would call Kerin on the phone every day. They did sound very close indeed. But how close is the closeness to make Kerin feel that it justifies her decision to die? I have never experienced such closeness to even allow me to attempt to understand it.

3) Would the guy have done the same if Kerin Peh had been the one who fell to her death at Hilton Hotel?

That's a skeptical question, I admit, but I can't help but wonder so. Would he have been as dedicated to her or would he have moved on and meet another girl and marry her?

4) Did Kerin Peh think about her family members before she jumped?

Did she think about how devastated her mother would be if she jumped? Was her relationship with her husband so extraordinary that even her parents' love could not compare? Did she even try to understand how punishing it would be for her parents who spent 27 years raising her? Or she did think about them but their relationships were not strong enough to stand in the way of dying for her other love?

5) Where are her friends?

After her husband's death, Kerin Peh had plunged into depression and cooped herself up at home and attempted suicide a few times.

Her family members tried to be with her as much as possible to prevent her from doing something silly, but watching over a depressed person does not make the person feel better. I wonder if it would have made a difference if she had friends who persisted in visiting her regularly and inviting her out.


The dust is settled. For a love so deep, that only death can call it a day, part of me is in awe of it, another part of me envies Kerin Peh, in all honesty. How many people among us actually get to experience such deep love?

No comments: