Sunday, 20 July 2008


A friend was just telling me last Thursday that the school tracks the websites we surf and the print jobs we send.

It freaks me out. I blog and go on the forum in school. I can't help but wonder if my boss already saw what I blog about or grouse online.

She said that an ex-colleague who resigned last year had been 'caught' selling things on ebay during 'office hours'.

I find it ironic that they used the term 'office hours' since we don't have a fixed hour except that 7am - 1pm hours. Or does being in school compound mean that we are still at 'office hours'?

What's the rationale of tracking websites and printjobs? If there's any cost incurred, I'd appreciate a working laptop. I can't access the intranet nor use a thumbdrive on my laptop because the USB port is spoilt.

Alright. I need to get ready now. It's Sharon's wedding today. :)

Baby at different weeks

6th week 2 days - In this scan, Dr Ang was doing a scan to confirm the pregnancy. The black patch is the sac in which the baby is contained in. This sac will continue to be the baby's protection bag until she's born. 6th week 2 days - In this scan, Dr Ang showed us where the heart is. It's not obvious on the scan - where the diagonal dotted line is. But on the ultrasound scan machine, he showed us a blinking spot to indicate that the heart is beating.

6th week 4 days - I was spotting fresh blood. I ran back to him and he showed me that the baby's heart is still beating. He circled the heartbeat for me on the scan.
9th week
11th week

14th week
In my feeling of guilt towards this baby, I suddenly thought of putting up her ultrasound scans on my blog to prevent the scans' images from dissipating with time. I'm not sure if those papers are thermal heat papers, but just in case.

Coco only had 1 permanent ultrasound scan image because the ones she did at KK were unclear and were on thermal heat papers. They didn't last. In any case, I also couldn't make heads or tails of them.
I'm a very impatient person and find it very troublesome to find pictures to put them up on my blog. I find scanning pictures into the computer a pain actually. I hate even more about the fact that this scanner I'm using often doesn't scan well, or hangs - like now - for no reason. I don't know why there's an impulse to put up pictures today.

Baby at 26th week

Actually I've lost track of the exact week of the pregnancy due to my busy work schedule. I can only try to make a close guess at it.
She's weighing at 992 g. Dr Ang said that she's on the big side and advised me to cut down on the carbo intake. I was quite shocked because my tummy is still quite small compared to other pregnant women.

He said that she's in an 'oblique' position, in which her head is on my tummy's upper right side, the body in the centre of my tummy and her legs at my tummy's bottoom left. 'Slanted' I call it.
She's very active. I can feel her kicks on a daily basis, and sometimes, she kicks on my bladder I think, which makes me feel as if my urine could come out.
I feel very guilty towards this baby. Up till now, I haven't got a name for her. And my job entails screaming at the kids and getting upset and angry very often. I know it's not good for the baby, but who can help it?
This pregnancy is certainly quite different from my experience with Coco. I continue to feel very tired - but it could also be due to the demanding nature of my job. I often have shoulder aches, and recently, I got backaches. Just last night, William and I quarrelled over the need to massage my back. He was very impatient and rubbed very hard on my back and shoulders. I got angry with him and screamed at him, accusing him of trying to make me suffer a miscarriage.
When I woke up this morning, I saw that the house is in a mess. Mess everywhere. Dining table, coffee table, platform, bedroom, Coco's bedroom, kitchen sink, even the basin where we brush our teeth - there was a worm swimming in some remaining water.
I know that it's not easy on William these few months. It's especially challenging to wake up at 5am every day without fail to prepare Coco for school. I myself can't do it. I was already struggling when William and I alternated on the days we get up early to prep her.
I packed some parts of the house, especially things that belong to Coco, and abit of mine. William is right in that the things that make the house messy are actually ours, not his. Sometimes I wonder if I've been too hard on William. He's never done a day of housework in his life before marriage. He's been trying, although the standard is still very far from my expectations. Perhaps I should be more forgiving towards his ineptness at doing housework. Or maybe I'm just finding an outlet to vent my frustrations at his debts. The debts are still there. His grandfather didn't manage to clear them for him. I'm very stressed up over his debts and his gambling habits.
Sometimes I wonder if all's been worth it to marry him so early to let Coco enter his alma mater. But Coco's everything to me. I remember promising myself to give her the best the moment I set my eyes on her 8 years ago. I haven't let this down. What is more important than giving her the best school she can go? I have wasted my youth on a jerk. It is of secondary importance to me that I'm going to spend another 10 years with another jerk. I'm just worried about the financial load he might bring on me, and Coco.

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Coco's Ballet Class

I've decided to switch Coco to a different CC for her ballet class.

Previously under Kavana Dance, the teacher, Evangeline, was good. She demonstrated dance steps and taught conscientiously. After she left Kavana, the class was taught by another teacher and Coco's progress had been slow. In fact, I can't even recall who the teacher was now.

Then, in November last year, Kavana Dance pulled out of the CC all of a sudden, citing expiry of contractual agreement as the reason. Subsequently, Kirov took over. When I enquired with the teacher in January this year, the China-born teacher said that the kids will take their exam in November. I found the fact that the school put all the children, regardless of whether the kids have gone through Primary Ballet or any ballet grade for that matter, together in one big class, uncomfortable but since the teacher had assured me that the kids will take their exam in November, I decided not to pursue.

But subsequently, William and I feel that this Kirov Dance School is not as 'professional'. Coco does the same steps for most classes. The teacher takes 5 - 10 mins to take attendance when the actual class time is only 45 mins.

Much as I was tempted to pull Coco out and put her in another CC under the UK syllabus instead of the Australian one, I hung on because of the better timing and Coco's attachment to her friend, on top of the fact that the teacher will get the kids to take their ballet exam in November this year.

The last straw came when Coco told me two weeks ago that her ballet teacher told them that besides those who received the notification letter of exam date, the rest will take their exam in 2009!

I was indignant. After a little talk with the coordinator of Kirov, I decided to take Coco out of this ballet school.

In any case, I'd found Kirov quite dubious when I first enquired with another coordinator about the school. She said she couldn't tell me the actual name of the dance school and that Kirov is actually a name they created for this CC for the purpose of conducting ballet classes. I find it queer and unusual that you can't even divulge the original name of the school. It makes me wonder if there's something they are doing 'illegally' or moonlighting, or they already have the intention of running the ballet classes on a fly-by-night basis and are all ready to take flight once they don't work out.

Friday, 11 July 2008

Coco sprained her wrist

Coco sprained her right wrist during her gym lesson yesterday.

That spells two weeks' abstinance from physical activities. She asked the doc if he could excuse her from schoolwork. The doc laughed and said,"Excuse from schoolwork - that means excuse from school lor." And Coco said,"Don't want." The doc chuckled.

It's her best friend's birthday party today. She is invited to Kallang ice-skating rink to skate with the sweet girl, but her wrist handicapped her from doing so. I got William to take her there since her best friend only invited her and her neighbour. I'm very pleasantly amazed that her best friend really treats her as the 'best' friend she ever has. And Coco was telling us the other day that her best friend is hanging out with two other girls and seems to have distant herself from her. She was a little sad then. Apparently, the nice girl didn't have such ideas.

In a short tele-conversation with the girl's mother, I was surprised to know that private cars can only be allowed into the school compound after 2pm every day. That means Coco is only about 30 mins' different from kids who live near the school when she reaches home at about 2.30pm every day.

I really think that the school is so 'good' it's worth travelling for. The students are not as nasty as the ones in neighbourhood schools. The teachers can't be too lousy except for her previous Maths teacher, who had fortunately gone back to his hometown.

Recently, a Caucasian expat actually chose to move to Singapore, and within 1km of the school, and did parent-volunteer work with his wife for the school in order to get his daughter into this school. It makes me appreciate the fact that Coco can get into this school. Someone on a forum said that now, to have studied in a good school is like a legacy for our children. And I agree.

I've been seeing little girls as young as two or three screaming or throwing fists at their mothers in public places like the mrt train or void deck. I can't help but remember how sweet and gentle and obedient a child Coco was. She had never done all these spoilt-brat stunts before. That's one of the reasons I have difficulty getting myself to beat her with a cane.