Wednesday, 11 July 2007

Wrrring louder than ever ...

I'm seriously contemplating divorce. The call of divorce is at my ear for months, and it's getting louder than ever.

Last night, he jolted me up from sleep at 1.30am and ranted at me for spending too much time on the phone. Coco was also frightened and woken up from her sleep.
I'm so sick of his acts of washing dirty linen in public, what more at home, so that the whole block and opposite blocks of flats could hear how victimised he is by a horrible wife.
I'm sick of him frightening the daylight out of Coco and having her to think that marriage is all about fighting. How else can you have a then six-year-old to say that she's not going to get married?

He called Huiyi at 1.37am to tell her that he would appreciate it if she doesn't call after ten. She was shocked and had a new 'insight' on his character.

She would probably understands well, if not best, how hard this marriage has been for me.

My father says to divorce if it is always like this - 'got married to be tortured for what?'

I'm tired. Physically, emotionally.

I want out. If this is what marriage is all about, I don't need it.

Friday, 6 July 2007

Distance vs Excellence

I'm starting to get worried over Coco's schooling matter.

I wonder if distance is really the crux - she's falling sick quite often, and she doesn't get enough sleep every day.

Although she's happy in this school, and I really think that this school is good for her in terms of academic development, I can't say the same about her actual lifestyle. She wakes up at 5am, boards the schoolbus at 5.40am, reaches home at 2.30pm or almost 3pm sometimes, bathes, drinks milk and sleeps at 3.30pm, wakes up at 8.30pm or 9pm, does her homework till 11pm and goes to sleep at almost 12am. And the cycle begins all over again and she doesn't get enough sleep the next day, again.

I've been wanting to train her to do her work when she gets home from school, afterwhich get her to sleep by 9pm. But because my father is the one with her in the afternoon, he allows her to get into the vicious cycle of not having enough sleep because of the nature of a doting grandfather.

Perhaps I should set up a timetable for her to follow, and get my father to follow it too. But at the same time, I have no confidence that my father will follow it through.

I know that this school is appropriate for her. The environment is really quite ideal, saved for a rich brat's bragging. Not that I'm racist, but I really don't want her to be in an environment where half the class population is made up of a certain race. It's purely because this particular race does not have the concept of academic excellence. I know too well how teachers try very hard to match the standard of the class and I do not want Coco to be stimulated less than what she deserves.

And because the ministers send their kids to the school as well, I can be sure that the school is not messed up in their staff arrangement. They probably try to reduce the number of relief teachers over there as well. I cannot imagine Coco having irresponsible relief teachers (like the one I experienced myself earlier on) or helpless contract teachers as any one of her teachers if she were in a neighbourhood school.

I'm trying to think of a way to get near the school:
1. Renting a condo near the school
2. Learning to drive and buying a car subsequently
3. Moving to HDB areas nearer to the school, like Clementi or Toa Payoh, Bishan etc.

But each option requires lots of money for it to work.