Sunday 27 May 2007

Should I divorce him?

I've been bogged down by issues at work and of marriage versus finance that I totally forgot about Coco's Chinese test last Friday. I feel very guilty for forgetting it altogether. I'm not going to let this happen again.

I can't help but contemplate the possibility of divorcing him at this juncture.
He said he would like to save the marriage and hope that I would do the same. I told him I'm willing only if he's willing to show all his bills, stop gambling and lying and go to church with me. Out of all these that he promised to do, he only managed to go to church with me. I don't know what's so difficult about showing me the bills, unless there's something he still wants to hide from me.

He said he would give me $600 every month to reduce his credit card bills, but he took $200 from me a few days ago and said he would return me that very night, 'that very night' became 'next week when I get my tuition fees'. If he doesn't pay me back, I will know that he's never got the intention to repent.

Everybody tells me not to let him take money from me again. I want to do that too, but I'm just so dense. I still choose to believe him - up till now, I can't quite believe that he's out to cheat my money. He was a nice guy before marriage. He really was. He said that he wanted to take care of me and Coco. He said that he would support us, give me allowance every month, help save up for Coco's education fund, coach Coco in her Maths and Science, do housework.

What he didn't tell me was he expected me to chip in too.

From young, my parents have been telling me that men are expected to shoulder all financial responsibilities in the household. I'm going to save up for Coco since he doesn't look like he's going to. That alone will take up a substantial portion of my pay. I can't help him with the bills. I must not. Sometimes I feel that he's got no qualm taking Coco's money as well. This is the scary part. To prove that he really got no money, he would ask me to go borrow from my family members. I don't want to spend my life supporting my husband financially. He reminds me of the men I read from Wan Bao who parasite on their wives and parents.

The world is right about men after all, that no man is so generous as to support another man's child.

I'm frightened about the prospect of this marriage. I hope to find a way out.

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