Friday 27 April 2007

Why I want As

Perhaps to some people, I may come across as being hard-up for As. But I seriously don't think there's anything wrong with that as long as I get them through my own effort.
I want As becos I want a second upper. And I want a second upper becos I have a child to support. I've learnt that I can't depend on men, no matter what they promised you, no matter how rosy a picture they paint you. This is my child. If I don't support her, or if I don't have enough money to support her, I can't count on William to do it. I need the money that comes with second upper honours. I seriously need it.
There're some modules I don't mind not having As, but some people seem to think that I want As even when I don't deserve it. Like the Language Testing module, I'm not looking at an A bcos I got a B for my first assignment which makes up 30%. I've already given up hope on it. I'm happy with a B+ for the second assignment, but my friends seem to think that I'm disappointed with it. I'm also happy with the grade bcos the good ones in the class also got this grade. I knew that I can't do too well in the module becos the exam only constitutes 40%. I tend to do better in examinable modules that has a large percentage based in exam. 40% won't change much. And most important of all, I am quite lost in this module. I don't understand the concepts. It's not only applicative, but alot of memorisation and thinking-on-the-spot.
I'll give priority to my Written Discourse since that one is more likely to get an A-, and I prefer this module. It's memorisation based which suits me fine. :)
I'm stressed tho. Language Testing mainly. I hope to manage a B+ for the final grade. A B- or C would pull my overall grade down alot.
I need to get about 2 or 3 more As to kind of secure a second upper. Even if I don't get a second upper, I would be at peace with myself for the grades I've gotten. At least this time round, I can tell others that I've given my best. And this is my best. I've always been a lousy student, always aiming for a pass. I remember how I aimed for C6s at O level and Es at A level. It was a miracle that I had a C6 for Maths becos I thought I would fail it - I've flunk Maths since Sec Two. I had to count my blessings that I got Es for History and Econs. If not, I wouldn't even have been able to enter NIE. I've scraped through exams after exams, aiming for just a pass. I don't want to waste my life continuing to ask and try for the minimum. Most important of all, I got a child. I need her to be proud of her mother.

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