Today he used "stupid" on me in the library. A few times within that 5 or 10 mins that we were talking. And audibly, considering the quiet nature of the library. He interrupted me every time I began to say something, and his tone was always impatient. That certainly wasn't a sign of love.
Just now, I was telling him that I feel the stress because I want to do well for this last semester, to have a chance at 2nd upper.
He discouraged me, saying that he knew I don't stand a chance.
I had always thought that he loathes discouragement, and hates how some Singaporeans love to be wet blankets. Seems like he's one of them after all.
During lunch, in front of Coco, he said his friends said that he shouldn't have married me. That makes me think exactly how much in that statement is how he feels. It's not the first time he mentions this. And it certainly affirms my decision to leave him when I'm financially able each time he says this.
I don't know why he marries me. I think I really don't know. Like how I've felt towards my ex, I'm starting to be afraid of him, just that this time round, I'm not afraid of leaving.
If he really loves me, how can he allow his friends to keep saying the same statement over and over again? That he shouldn't have married me, that I didn't have a choice because I have a child with me, that he shouldn't have let me go study. I saved up for my studies, excuse me! And he used MY money.
I feel that he's starting to regret marrying me, but he refuses to admit it, so he vents his frustration on me, by saying things that makes me feel lousy about myself, by scolding me 'stupid' on a constant basis. I'd promised myself I'd never let another man do this to me again. I'll definitely leave him. I don't need a man who drags me into the dumps, nor do I need one who tears me down.
He knows I have a blog, but like my ex, he's never bothered to ask for my blog address. He is not even interested in what I think, or feel.
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